is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
