I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
