I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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