The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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