Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
