Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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