Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
