he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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