On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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