Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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