I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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