i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
