If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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