For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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