i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
