Where did you get a picture of my penis
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Green mimosas i think yes
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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