the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
