so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
