I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
