The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
