You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Sorry about my life...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
