apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so let's talk penis.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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