You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
