you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
