sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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