She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
