smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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