oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
