...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
