That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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