My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
