my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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