I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
