spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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