he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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