Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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