just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
