My nipple is on Facebook.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
