yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
