Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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