You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
