I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I think my fart just growled at me.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I wear drunk well.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
