I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
