It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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