did you get engaged???
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
