Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My cat gives me a boner
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
