Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I forget how to act sober
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
