I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
