I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
