I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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