I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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