I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Also, beer. Big fan.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
