: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
