I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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