You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
