I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
