quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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