I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
