just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
