I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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